From owning to accepting my mistakes

Mistakean error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc.

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You know when certain words make you feel all tingly inside?  Me, too, but mistake is not one of them.  The word mistake makes me cringe, turn my head away, and retract into myself instantly.

That’s how powerful words are btw: say them, feel them, use them if they yield amazing feelings.  Discard, replace, or be sure to end on words that restore positive vibrations in your body when done conversing about said mistakes or other low vibration words.

Anywho, I made a mistake the other day.  A simple mistake, but being the accountable person I am I owned that sh*t.  And my tummy dropped, chest sank, soul crushed…..gasp, “I made a mistake.  I’m not perfect? OMG, I’m not perfect.  Why am I not perfect?!  Why did I have to f*ck up?”  Mind you, I’m in chronic pain from an injury and not sleeping much, so I’m a little sensitive if I do say so myself.  So, yes, I was being a little dramatic.  I know-weird.

 

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But, there I was beating the living crap out of myself for this mistake:  “How could I?  Why would I?  I’m sure words are being spread.  I hate (another ugly word) that others know I made this mistake, they must think I’m stupid, and awful, and horrible, and a terrible human…..” there I was with all of these low vibration words, mentally berating myself, feeling like someone had just ran me over with their car when I finally did silence.

What was my mistake in handling my mistake?  Because there is no excuse for me or you to feel like a low life over a simple mistake, or any mistake, really.  And, I know plenty of people who beat themselves up just the same if not worse.  Where are we going wrong?

First of all, I owned my mistake.  Sounds like a good idea.  I’ve always prided myself in taking accountability.  I know first hand that problems will not be solved and growth will not occur if you do not acknowledge that you were, in fact, an a**hole and want to do better.  But, I internalize, that is different, and that is when I feel my stomach drop and chest sink.  I’ve now housed the mistake and given it a home in my body, and it quickly clutters my mind and drags me down.  Make sense?

So, owning mistakes is no good, it’s not working for me, in fact, it’s deteriorating my mind, and making me feel less awesome by the minute to do so.  Instead, I will try to accept the mistake.  It’s there, it happened, I did it, but I am not the mistake.  I do not have to put it in my pocket and carry it around with me.  The mistake is not mine, it just happened.  The mistake does not need to tattoo itself on my forehead as my newest worry line.   Duh!!  Totally helpful mini or mega realization I had.

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All of these years I feel like I have been claiming these mini mess-ups and carrying them around with me.  Adding them to my repertoire as if they were different shades of blue and I was about to paint The Starry Night.  No, owning mistakes has not done me any favors.  It has not painted any pretty pictures in my mind of who I am or who I want to be.

 

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I love how a simple shift in your perspective can change your life.  Because, I can handle accepting my mistakes.  I can handle knowing I experienced what imperfect feels like, but I can’t handle being and housing the imperfection itself.  It’s weighing me down to do so.  My body feels heavy when I own stuff that’s not mine.  I prefer the light, spacious, kind environment.  I think I’ll remember to accept that it happened, and that I experienced it, but not accept it as apart of who I am.  That feels so much betta.

Do you agree?  Doesn’t it feel good to change your internal dialogue?  Can’t you feel yourself lighten as you release that which does not serve you?  Do it often!  What other words, mistakes, things are you owning and internalizing that you could let go of or change?

Example:  I use to tell myself working out was hard and I hated that my body would shake and tremble.  Then I bought a yoga bundle off  CodyApp.com with Meghan Currie (highly recommend) and she said something like, “just shake, calibrate and enjoy the fruits of your labor, tell yourself you like it, love it, enjoy it, until you do.”  And, I was like, “duh!!  Why have I always told myself working out was a hassle, that I hated sweating, and being fit was hard?  It releases endorphins, it tones, lifts, strengthen, defines, and nourishes my body, mind, and soul.  I love looking good and feeling good, why did I ever think this sucked?”

Her simple words changed my mind so easily.  From that moment on yoga was effortlessly infused into every morning, noon, and night that I could, hip willing. I shook, calibrated, and soaked up all of the goodness I made my own damn self, everyday.   Just like that, I changed my mind, and changed my life.

 

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Yoga has picked me up and put me back together too many times to count.  I use to drink almost nightly at times just to unwind.  My anxiety use to get the best of me more often than not, depression was my go to emotion, energy levels were much lower, routines were non-existent, drugs and alcohol were always my go to stress relievers, and then I found yoga.  If I would have decided to continue thinking that caring for my body was a hassle, I would have missed out on so many amazing moments of clarity, calm, and self love.

Aren’t words and yoga amazing?  How awesome is it that you can change the way you look at things, so the things you look at begin to change, and so your life, and the way you experience it begins to change?……or, something like that.  Say what you mean and mean what you say,  and never be afraid to change how you use your words and the definition of who you are.

 

With Love in mind,

Danielle Atherton-Rutledge

 

 

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Build the Wall?! (Language)

Conquer and divide-a way of keeping yourself in a position of power by making the people under you disagree with each other so that they are unable to join together and remove you from your position.

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Warning: Emotionally charged post ahead.

Good job, America, Good job.  Keep up the “Great.”

Our government has mastered how to conquer, and divide so well, that we are now in the makes of building a modern day Great Wall of China, but in America.  How “Great” of us.

I mean exactly WTF does making America”Great” again mean may I ask?

Do you remember a time when America was GREAT?  Like really f**cking great?

Great economy, great healthcare, schools well funded, and children well cared for?  Do you remember a time without pain and suffering for most?  I don’t.  Not in the history books and not personally.  So, WTF would we ever want to add AGAIN for at the end of that statement?

Donald Trump, when is your again exactly?  Where are you trying to go back to?

Because, I was trying to move forward, to progress, to gain, to grow, and to heal the wounds of my communities, the country, and the world. Because, that’s what GREAT people do: they use their money, and power to build strong, stable structures that make people feel secure, safe, and cared for.  They use their money to ease suffering.

A wall, I’m suppose to sleep well at night because of a f**king wall?  Now, I should feel safe in America?   A wall in the middle of the dessert, in a very isolated area is being built, where VERY few if any terrorists have entered.  Terrorists are not scared of you or your wall.  Drug cartels who have obscene amounts of money do not worry about how they will get over this wall.  This seems preposterous.  Who wants over this wall?  It’s families seeking help, and you’re saying, “f*ck off, here’s my wall.”

Because, Mexican poverty is so real, and their government is so evil, families are risking their lives, and their children’s lives to try, and cross a border to earn very little picking the food you ate for dinner last night, we should build a wall?  Because, the real terrorists with the real guns and bombs, and the real money are real scared of your f**king wall……. I’m sure of it.

Instead of defunding the cartel by legalizing marijuana, and allowing patients to receive medical marijuana legally, we build a f**cking wall.  Instead of giving Mexico money to create safe communities for families to live in, and help the people have the freedoms we do, we say, ‘build a wall’?

That’ll teach those Mexicans to stay out, and suffer, and die slow painful deaths at the hands of their own government, and now you, and our government.  Bravo, America, sounds f**cking “Great.”  It’s not that we don’t have the money, brains, and power to create peace around us, it’s that we choose not to.  We’re slightly misdirecting our energy and resources, don’t ya think?

Instead of focusing our funds to build our country up, build more Veteran’s shelters and homeless shelters, instead of funding our state programs and upping taxes where appropriate we are swallowing the cost of wars, oil and now walls.  Awesome, real cool, “Great”, woo f**cking hoo.

Instead of helping the refugees, we are funding terrorists.  We are paying for bombs, to protect oil fields, to protect big oil interest, and letting families die in famine, while we scream, “Build a f**cking wall”.  Have we lost our hearts?  The answer is, yes.

They are not the drug cartels bringing in money, guns, and terrorists.  These people are not asking to take our jobs and money so they can steal what’s ours.  These people are not slowly poisoning us with contaminated water, and pharmaceuticals to make a buck or a billion.  These people are not hiding healing options, green energy options, and money from us.  No, Donald Trump, our own government does that for us.

I won’t sleep better at night knowing a f**cking wall to keep out families seeking a better life is being built.  I don’t feel better about myself because war torn children, and families are slowly starving to death, because I need to pay for the squad protecting oil fields at Standing Rock, and in Iraq, instead.  I don’t feel great knowing you’re the man that represents my voice.

You are not my President, because you don’t act like one, and quite frankly none have the others, either.

And, while we’re on the topic, I won’t call you Mr., either.  Men…..Gentlemen do not speak like you.  If my husband spoke, and acted like you, he would be someone elses husband.

The wife probably on welfare because he belittled her so much that she began to feel less than, and depressed; she can’t even pull herself out of water to get a job or support herself.  Maybe, she gets pregnant, and decides the pain of the world is too much, and she has too little to offer a life, and decides to have an abortion.  Or, maybe she’s brave, and has her child, and takes your glares and crass remarks as she pulls out her link card.  And, maybe her child then learns, and sees the disrespect, and repeats it, accepts it, or hopefully stands up and says, “f*ck that, you will not disrespect, degrade or talk down to me like that.”  Hopefully, more children who are victims of men who degrade, and belittle with their words, and their power will grow up, and turn their pain into passion and purpose in order to truly make America Great.

Hopefully, they don’t sit down, shut up, and take a golden shower; but stand up, speak up and say, “that is NOT my President, and that is NOT how you handle power, and no I will not take a golden f*cking shower, you sick f**king pervert.”

A man with millions, and more, and he uses it to hire call girls, you elect him President, and I’m the a**hole for pointing it out, and saying it’s wrong?

Think before you decide to attack behind the computer.  Donald Trump might not  babysit your kids, come to your kids birthday party, give you the clothes off his back, pay for your kids, donate his time and money, drive to get you in the middle of the night, share his home with you, and write you the most heart felt eulogy you’d ever wish for, but I would, and so would the people on the other side of the computer screen that you are disconnecting yourself from because of politics.

Call and ask Donald Trump for help, a ride, a donation, a helping hand, see how far that gets you.  Better yet, ask the mother refugee holding the remains of her bombed child how well it works when you ask the American government for help.  Or, any of the Americans being detained by your government and Presidents for trying to tell you the truth.  Or, the veterans, ask them how kind and quick the government is to help.

Where was I?  Oh, Yes……..

There is evil that needs to be kept out of this country ,but I don’t think it’s the refugee, or Mexican that is working in the factory, restaurant, or field for next to nothing is the threat.

I don’t worry about them harming innocent protesters, arresting innocent people, denying children rights to healing medical options, letting people die because of no food or money, etc………no, refugees don’t do that, American’s do……to our own people, everyday.  I don’t worry that the refugees would bomb me, but I do wonder about you, Donald Trump.

I do fear my own government.  I do fear what will happen if I don’t speak up.

Maybe this is what we needed.  Maybe this is our swift kick in the a** we’ve all been asking for.  Maybe now is the time to volunteer, build that shelter, adopt or foster that child, take in that homeless teen, create that vegetable garden, foster a stray, go to that peaceful protest, and start up that non profit.  Maybe now is the time to define our own definition of Great, AND take out the again.

Let’s redirect our energy to building up our own communities, and connections so we can make our lives kind again.  Let’s support the people in need, and not the one’s in power, and make love strong again.  Let’s make our voices heard.  Don’t let anyone tell you not to use your free speech, and say what you know is right.  Be American, but define that definition for yourself, don’t let Donald Trump, or his supporters do it for you.

I want to help build people up, not walls.  I want to build up society, not tear it down with division.  I want women to feel loved, warm, and safe enough to have their baby, because society didn’t turn them away until it was too late. I want medical treatment options, and Big Pharma exposed.

I want clean/green energy, because it exists and is better for you, me, and the planet,  period, end of f*cking story.

I want my tax dollars used to save refugees, not bomb them.  I want my money to fund clean water projects, not oil fields. I want to be proud to be a world citizen, not just an American.  I want to feel safe to speak up.

It is time to speak, but this time with our hearts, and our hands.  Build connections, build up your neighbors self esteem, Build-A-Bear and give it to the shelter, build blocks with your niece, build friendships, and your talents, because this is how you will make America Great where you are.

I love you no matter who you voted for.  If you are reading this I want so much for you to love your life, and liberties, just as I want for the citizens of the world.

I hope you define Great as a force of love, strength, hope, faith, and kindness.

I hope your again just means your trying harder to be even greater this next time, as you move forward in the direction of your heart, not away from it.

I hope you define American as being someone who uses their privilege to enhance lives, our land, our world, and all people a little more each day.

In Love,

Danielle Atherton-Rutledge

 

Every Pitter Patter Matters

Every pitter patter matters.

Every word you chatter matters.

Every thought you gather matters.

Walk with light and gentle pitter patters.

Whisper wise, and sweet words as you chatter.

Think thoughts of love, and kindness because you matter.

You’re special, perfect and priceless.

Use love always, it’s timeless!

Smile at life with your heart.

Use inner peace, and self love to set you apart.

Understand your uniqueness.

Understand you are not just a little mister or miss.

You were born to create, and experience feelings of bliss.

You may be eensy weensy teensy, teeny tiny, or itty bitty, but your love can be felt, and spread in every city.

Feel special , be sweet, soft spoken, and perfectly unique, as you tread courageously on your little feet.

You matter, you’re worthy, you deserve all that is sweet,

and you are the strength, courage and change the world seeks.

 

Danielle Atherton-Rutledge

 

 

 

 

From RBF to duckface. Tips to enhance your day and your lips.

 

Resting bitch face was my norm.  Everywhere I went people would comment on how unhappy  and bitchy I looked.  If looks could kill.  My RBF definitely reflected my inner world for a long time.

Now, I catch myself with a content smile more often than not as my norm, and of course everyone says I get duck faced when I’m concentrating, learning, reading, etc.  I’ll take duck face over RBF, any day.

In order to wake up and see a smile on my face, and then want to share it has not come easy for me.  I faked it for a long time, forced would be a better word, really.  I didn’t like being nice, being mean, rude, and short was much easier.

I have consciously made decisions to see a different version of myself come to life.  I have taken myself from a completely lifeless, careless, inconsiderate, and angry little girl, to a much more content, enjoyable, loving, giving, thoughtful, self loving woman with room to grow.

I have grumpy days, more than I’d like, but the anxious, depressed, self loathing, and hateful person that lived inside of me is far different from having a grumpy day or moment.  Much much different, remember that.

So, if you feel like you are in a depressive state more often than not, if you have a perma-scowl on your face, ask yourself these questions: “what am I so mad about? what is so bad? what is keeping me from smiling? why am I letting it, or him/her have that kind of control over me?  How long do I plan on staying in this state of disgust, exactly?  Am I ready to know what it’s like to feel good and feel God?

If you can process the anger layer by layer with at home self care, then try all the self help tips if they sound like a good, safe, and healthy idea.

If you know you can’t process the pain, and enjoy life, and those around you the majority of your time, then maybe it’s time to call in a life coach, or a therapist.

Once you give a voice to the old grumpy man dwelling in the basement, he might warm up to you, and become your friend, your voice of reason, your voice of strength, and acts of courage.  But, you have to let the anger speak, and show itself (safely!!), or it will hide, collect dust, and give you reasons to walk around with resting bitch face.  Don’t do it.

If you are doing it, stop, snap out of it, wake up, and come back to life one simple decision at a time.  Baby steps to big change is a quote that forever sticks out.  The small and significant routines bring my days and my smile to life.

One stitch at a time crafts the blanket that cradles and cares for life’s most precious gifts.  One breath at a time brings you closer to savasana where you are able to rest in the warmth you created.  One step at a time brings the runner to the finish line where he collapses in awe of his body and capabilities.  One word at a time the author is able to bring the pages to life and awaken hearts and minds all over the world.

Stitch, sew, string your life together one small, simple, sweet, and significant change at a time.

A few of my current favorite tips:

1-Wake up: what’s my breath doing?  Can I make it deeper, more even, more purifying?  What am I thankful for?  How do I want to feel, this morning, afternoon, evening and the next time I lay my head on this warm cozy pillow?  Got that?  Breathe that in.  Go create that, but do it first thing.  Always, always set the tone for your day with your first inhale.

2–As you are stringing together your first moments of the day let your feet hit the ground, connect, breathe, open, feel expansive; dig down deeper, reach up taller; think longer, leaner, stronger; breathe deeper, more even.

And, also feel the air and energy around you, and notice how light and expansive you are as you eat, drink, and ready yourself for the day.  Ground down and lighten up is the idea.

You’re making it a point to consciously wake up your body, mind, and soul connection first thing, and making your presence known. You’re allowing yourself to feel the space and time of the moment as you prepare to move to the next.

You’re starting your day centered, calm, and consciously.  Feels sa good.

3-Find something to help you reconnect when sh*t gets real.  It’s going to happen, someone or something is going to step on your toes and derail your happy train.

We all know we need to breathe deeper, so do that first, and maybe even envision yourself inhaling light as you do so, white light.

Maybe you need to have a stress ball, or gratitude rock handy.  Do you know about hand mudras or crystals and how to use them or why they would be helpful?  What about doing a few mountain to monkey poses where you stand, as you remember you are safe, and all is well when stress sneaks up?  If you’re at home create a safe place where you can go for 2-5 minutes, and do some jumping jacks, or push ups to get out the angst. Find a love for quality essential oils, dab some lavender oil on your temples, and take a few deep inhales of it to notice yourself calm.  Do you have a therapist or friend to vent to and bring you back to center when it’s just too much?  Find a favorite quote to memorize that will come in handy during the tough times, but make it as healthy of a release as possible.

Don’t let bad habits be your go to reliever.  You’re worth a healthy happy life, and you can choose to create the healthy space and body you crave one conscious decision at a time.

And, if you f*ck up, and have a shitty moment, or make a bad decision, just remember that you are worth trying again, and again, and again.  Every fail is just life trying to wake you up, and redirect you to what is meant to make you feel alive.   Keep going.  If you’re trying, you’re doing it right.

4-Make it about someone else as many times as you can in a day.  How can you help them, this moment, this situation?  How can you make them feel better, safer, calmer, kinder, happier, and more loved and appreciated?  How can you make someone feel special, important, and like they matter?

I struggle with chronic pain from old car accidents and I find that I feel best when I get out of my head and ask others how they are, what they need, or what’s good in their life.  For a short time I am able to get out of myself and enjoy what someone else has to offer.  Many times these moments where I’m able to make it about someone else are what save me from an emotional meltdown when the pain becomes so monotonous, and sometimes I prefer to wallow in my own self pity…..balance.

How can you change your corner of the world right this very moment?  Do good because it feels amazing to give of yourself, and to serve others as often as you can no matter how small the gesture.  I’m sure you know first hand that the smallest of gifts both material and non can be the most memorable.

5-Present yourself with love everyday.  I don’t mean you need to put on your fake eyelashes and heels to do your housework.  What I do want more women and men to do is look in the mirror or down at their bodies and be truly thankful for the blessing it is.  I do want you to take time to notice the lines, details, freckles, spaces, and the miracle that is your body.  I do want you to put coconut oil or lotion on with love, brush your hair with gentle care, notice how your eyes light up when you smile after brushing your teeth, and wear the colors that make you feel most confident and alive.

I do hope you find a ritual or two a day that makes you stop and truly experience the body you have and the abilities it possesses.  Dry brushing, fascia blasting, sugar scrubs, face masks, detox baths, essential oils, manicures, pedicures, conditioning treatments, the number of self care habits you can take in are plenty.  Pick one a day and enhance your own natural beauty.

Notice what you love about you and enhance it, magnify it, enjoy it, and share it.  Smile and tell yourself you love yourself and today as you pull your hair up in a messy bun.  Notice the glow your skin has as you apply your coconut oil.  Wet your lips with your favorite gloss and recite a kind word or two to yourself.  The color of your eyes, the veins in your hands, the freckles on your nose, the mole on your shoulder: notice it all, it’s all so unique and it’s all so you…..enjoy, enhance, embellish, and encourage others to do so along the way.

6-Try or learn something new everyday.  Want to learn Italian or  Spanish?  Download Duo lingo and trill away.  Yoga seem fun?  Log onto You Tube and enjoy a free 10 minute morning routine to wake you up and get you started.  Always wanted to write a novel?  Read one, a successful one, and see how it’s done, and then write a page or 10 or 100 of your own creative thoughts.  Has being an artist always excited you, but you never learned?  Find a local art shop, studio, or free online advice and let your colorful side show itself a little at a time.

You’re not going to start off writing Harry Potter novels, creating Picasso pieces, melting into the splits, or traveling to another dimension via transcendental meditation right away, so just let that go right now.

You must put in the energy if you want to create something worth anything.  Let yourself be a beginner and just enjoy trying new things every single day.  Enjoy learning about your body and mind, and what it does, and doesn’t like, just  be curious.  Enjoy the fruits of your efforts and marinade in the sweet nothings that just so happen to be your everythings.

Try, enjoy, or don’t, take note, learn, grow, move on one breath, one new motion at a time.  All.Day. Long.

Wake up new cells, bring yourself, and the life you desire to life one good decision at a time.   And, if you can’t make a good decision, take a deep breath and be thankful you’re here to make a bad one.

In love,

Danielle

Photo: Renee Atherton